Independence Day

July 4th has got to be one of my favorite holidays… a big reason is because I have such good memories of friends and family on this day. This past weekend was spent with a few of my favorite girls at my dads apt in Redondo Beach laying on the sand, walking to small local shops and restaurants, FIREWORKS , football, movies, and the Redondo pier night life…

On a different note though, this weekend was a great reminder for me for all the Lord has done in my life in this past year. Its been a hard one, filled with a lot of emotion, choices, disappointment, broken trust…. but looking back there is so many beautiful things that I take from it. The idea of Freedom has never been so clear to me… we are free in Christ, and this has brought such a peace to my life lately. I finally feel like me again, and its been a long time since I have been able to say that. I look forward to pursuing my summer goals (even though summer is flying by), and to participating in my life much more than I have been recently… Its amazing how a difficult situation in life can put you in a box, out of the lime light for awhile and make you fully depend, desire and lean on Christ to learn all you need to learn… Im excited to share that with people, to be able to relate just a little bit more and to be more prepared for the next challenge that is to come.. Freedom is beautiful… I have taken it for granted… many people in this world will never have the option to experience it…. Happy belated 4th

Summer goal list will be posted soon

Sunday Secrets….

 

 

Lately I have been reminded that I don’t do this enough

Some days i would give anything to go back and have the conversations Ive had here with the people I had them with

 

 

 

The Big Scary

Janelle decided to show this to our apt tonight….. Im still not sure if its real…. but my reaction was lovely

Minor Confession from the heart ;)

Everyone has their little secrets about how their life functions best….given. For some reason or other I decided to share one of mine with a few of my roomates last night, and now Im choosing to share it with the world. Its really not that big of a deal but I have a feeling more people are guilty of it than meets the eye….. so the secret goes…… if Im in bed reading at night and have to get up early…. knowing if my roomate comes home I will be up later than I want… I quickly throw everything on the floor and turn off the light as though im sleeping as soon as I hear her walk through the front door.. it sounds completely heartless and maybe it is… but sleep is a beautiful thing… obviously if there is a conversation that needs to be had I will more than happily stay up or wake up… but otherwise… I get to fake it till I sleep, and its a very beautiful thing

Oh Brother(s)

I dont know if any of you have had the privilege of having a brother, much less meeting mine. I am blessed beyond measure to have 3.

Chaser

 Chase is the best big brother a girl could ask for… He is the guy I run to for advice, the person I am picked on by most… and laugh hardest at when he does, and someone who truly blesses and encourages my life simply by the way he desires to live for Christ in his. He is an amazing example of what a godly man looks like, and I can’t wait to see where his life takes him next. Im thankful that the Lord has given us a similar heart to serve the poor… and a heart for India. Chase will leave a great mark for Christ on this earth before he leaves… I anxiously wait for the day we live in the same area…

Colbs aka Bub

 Colby is one of the most easy going people I know. I wish I had more time to hangout with him. Lately I have realized how much of a silent encourager Colbs has been in my life. He doesn’t have much to say always, but the guy leads by example and action in a way that challenges me every day. He keeps me grounded and provides the realistic, logical perspective when my emotions get the best of my thoughts. Of all of us, Colby is the one who will be successful regardless of what he ends up doing. He is captivating, outgoing and can lighten any room with his presence. Im still working on my wit to keep up with his sass…. but I’m thankful for his heart… he truly has the heart of a servant. 

 

 

Matching Tank Tops

It will be a glorious day when the 3 of us get to live life together again!

Chubs

I wasn’t sure what it was going to be like to have a brother that is 23 years younger than me. I was fortunate to grow up being 20 months apart from Chase and Colby… so this is a new experience. Its amazing though, how you can care so much about someone so quickly. Brandon has been an incredible addition to our family. His personality is so easy going, and if he isnt sleeping or hungry he is beaming with smiles. Its a joy to be in such close proximity to him to be able to watch him grow.. lately his body has been growing out… as you can see It brings me joy to see how Colby hangs out with him and again I look forward to when Chase gets to see him as often as we do… 

I love these guys with all my heart.. and who I am today is greatly affected by who they are… 

 

 

We are yours…

I have been thinking a lot this past week about our national holiday of “love,” Valentines day. For some it is a day that brings surprises of a promise of love together for the rest of their lives, others the experience of a date they have never been more nervous for, and others an experience of complete affirmation of the fact that they are single, which for some is extremely lonely. (Im truly thankful Im not a guy this time of year. I would never want to have to deal the with pressure of feeling as though I had to perform on this day in some grand creative way as a sign of my affection for the person I care about). But, lately my heart has been challenged to consider a deeper a love that goes beyond emotion and circumstance…. A love of that brings and calls for truth, peace, honesty, humbleness, freedom, forgiveness, selflessness, obedience… and at times can bring suffering… but all this love is for something far greater than ourselves- the Glory and supremacy of Christ, and Christ alone. I have been listening to a song Shane and Shane sings that says,

“Give us a picture of your face, show us the measure of your grace, reveal the love of the Father. Put within us tenderness, release from us all selfishness, that we’ll consider them better. WE ARE YOURS, give us hearts of servants….. “

The love depicted in this verse of the song has absolutely nothing to do with us receiving love in any form, but rather in loving others so much because of Christ in us, because of the grace we have been given that we would desire to have compassion and love for people with the love of the Father. Love that brings truth, that brings humbleness… that brings the things that are often incredibly difficult to do. Its so challenging for me to grasp exactly what all this loves entails… its beyond comprehension at times, but I know what it feels like, and Ive seen it in others… this is the love I desire to portray and reflect in my life. 

A friend of mine today texted me the following: “You told me to check the sermon from last sunday. And I’ve been talking to a friend about struggles and how much we can take before we can’t take anymore, and she was saying she knows what God wants her to do but she is stubborn and keeps trying to handle it herself. I asked what does God want her to do? And she said, he wants her to fall at His feet so together they can handle her challenges. And that really got me. When she said that I was like “damn.” I really need that… being away from everything I’ve ever had is really hard on me. So i know by me going out and doing what I do, I’m hiding and not dealing with what I need to deal with. And I know I cant do this alone. I just can’t. I need help. Something more than any other person can offer me. I want to know everything is going to be ok… with His help that will happen. So im going to stop running from my problems and emotions and just ask God to show me…. here I am lets do this.” 

My heart filled with joy and love for my friend as I read this text. But not an emotional “Im in love with you type of love.” I couldn’t help but rejoice, and of course cry, for this new life changing phase in this persons life. A beginning of a long and beautiful journey of seeking to bring Christ glory despite the cost. I look forward to this persons journey… and my heart desires to be a person of intentional prayer for them. I was challenged though by the thought of encouraging those that already seek to glorify Christ with their lives… I often lack this.. and yet it is SO NECESSARY AND NEEDED. As excited as I am for this person, I should be equally excited for those that are already on the battle front. 

Hebrews 10:24-25

“Without wavering, let us hold tightly to the hope we say we have, for God can be trusted to keep His promise. Think of ways to encourage one another to outbursts of love and good deeds. And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage and warn each other, especially now that the day of his coming back again is drawing near.” 

My prayer is that we would take the extra time and often choose to do what may not come naturally to us… encouraging one another. May we learn to love beyond ourselves, and see others as Christ sees them, only in those moments allowing us to love beyond what our human nature allows and is capable of… Teach us to truly love Oh Lord, and may this love reflect in our lives regardless of circumstance or cost.

 ”I dont understand your ways… oh but i will give you my song, I give you all of my praise. You hold on to all my pain, with it you are pulling me closer, pulling me into your ways. Now around every corner, and up every mountain, Im not looking for crowns or the water from fountains. Im desperately seeking and im frail to believing that the sight of your face is all I need… I will say to you that, its gonna be worth it, its gonna be worth it, its gonna be worth it all… i believe this”….. It goes o to say… “Your gonna be worth it, your gonna be worth it, your gonna be worth it all… I Know”

Pieces of Me

Im indecisive…. I justify it by saying Im not a picky person…. which in all fairness is more than true, but Im interested in so  many  different things that I often find it difficult to have a preference. As annoying as this can be, this is me. At times I wish I could change it, but instead I choose to embrace (or accept) it. Im often asked what I want to do with my life… what path am I going to choose… At times I am so envious of those who are specialized in something, but when I consider myself doing this I feel smothered. If I could take all the things I am intrigued by and becoming passionate about, and turn them into something I could pursue as work, I would be ecstatic. I get frustrated at the fact that money dictates life, but I live in America and therefore need it in order to survive and function. Ideally, being a volunteer for life would suit me just fine. The issue isn’t me finding something I want to do, but rather taking something everyone is capable of doing and pursuing it in a manner which few or no one has done. I make my own life difficult. I have this ridiculous desire to originate the pieces of me… So these are the pieces: Dance, Travel, Missions, Sign Language, understanding behavior, homelessness, autism, cooking…. random I know, but such is my life. I am well aware of the fact that I cant perform all of these pieces at once, but I would love to combine them in some form or other to serve our community in a way that it isn’t being served yet. Ideas have been- Teaching Dance to deaf students, or using it as a form of therapy for autistic children… I am naive to what exists in the realms of these but I want to know more. I fear I might search my whole life trying to be so different in this, but its a risk i’m willing to take. I find joy in all of these pieces and have hope beyond what a person should be capable of having… This is how my heart behaves.